Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
