Umm I'm too high to move.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
