Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
