i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
