insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
