he shaved USA in his pubs
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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