peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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