sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
