The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
