Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
