I am spending my child support on dildos
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
