Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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