You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
