Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
