so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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