I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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