How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
