shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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