I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
