you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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