I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I believe in your delicious
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
