I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
