you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
