the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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