Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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