I just cut my nipple shaving
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
