At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
