i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
