party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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