Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
