I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
