I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
