I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
