grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
