We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
