So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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