The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
