So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
