I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
