Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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