I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
