i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
