I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sext me about skeletons
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
