Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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