hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
