My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
