a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
