I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
