Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
