I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
They took my balls.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
