Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
