I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
