I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
