no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
