I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
