He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
